I'm awake again.
It isn't a lack of wanting or needing sleep that keeps me awake. Instead it's what seems like the absolute inability or unwillingness of mind and body to reconcile themselves to the idea of it.
My mind buzzes in a million directions; creating and recreating scenarios, wondering what direction I'm headed in and if it's the right one, worrying (justifiably) about the state of mental and physical health of those around me. I try to clear my head at least, but as quickly as one thought is pushed away, another three settle in to take their turn at keeping me from something that should be as simple as flipping off a switch.
At some point concerns for my own health creep into the mix. To say my mental state is stable is laughable at best. I'm constantly filled with some sense of anxiety, and of not being strong enough to handle the things being thrown at me. My body seems intent on seconding that notion.
While I lay in bed, desperately trying to turn myself off long enough for a few blissful, but coma-like hours of sleep, my temperature fluctuates. I'm unable to get comfortable and am either too warm, or too cold. Being too warm, I toss and turn enough to pull the sheets from the bed and get tangled in them. Too cold, it's much the same with the exception of trying to burrow into them as far as I can until I feel too warm again. There is no in-between to be found short of opening a window, covering up, and uncovering my feet... and even that doesn't help for long.
Eventually the muscle spasms and restless sensations settle in.
As much as I already toss and turn, the restlessness makes it that much worse. I end up out of bed, pacing as if that would give any relief. It never does. The only exception being when the spasms begin in my legs and need to be walked off. I'm left sore for a couple of days, but the pain is much worse if I don't get up and walk. I try to sleep again, only to feel as if I'm running for miles without ever leaving the bed. If you've never felt it, be grateful. I try and stay still as long as I can stand it, but eventually I'm out of bed again, pacing.
By that time, my eyes start feeling like they're full of sand and the rest of my body is beginning to ache. The restlessness continues, and my muscles and joints ache as if I've been training for a triathlon followed by a vigorous climb of Mt. Everest. I'm exaggerating a bit, but I think the point is made. Unable to stand it, I go for my absolute last resort: medicated sleep.
I never like resorting to medication, and the last several nights have been no exception. Despite all my discomfort, I don't feel any more rested after taking medication of some kind to aid my sleep than I feel if I let it happen naturally. If anything, I'm more groggy, though it could be the combination that does that.
For the aching muscles and general restless feelings, three to four muscle relaxers. Nothing ever stronger than over the counter ibuprofen, but after an hour or so it helps take some of the edge off. Usually enough that I can sleep. If it's particularly bad, four ibuprofen and rub down the areas that ache the worst, usually my legs and lower back, with icy hot or something of the sort. It makes me smell like an arthritic old man, and confuses the temperature situation, but I get a temporary respite.
Worst case scenario, I add in allergy meds. I'm not sure if there's any interactions I should know about between zyrtec or benedryl and ibuprofen, but the allergy meds are guaranteed to put me to sleep without fail. I generally don't take them unless I absolutely have to because of that fact. Benedryl is for emergency uses, in lieu of an epi-pen, and the zyrtec is for more general allergy symptoms. Both make me drowsy, the former bringing on a deep sleep for several hours.
Considering that it's slowly creeping up on 5 A.M., and I'm still very much awake, uncomfortable and unable to sleep, it may be a benedryl occasion.
How's your hydration level? Are you drinking enough fluids? Those leg cramps are kind of tell-tale when it comes to dehydration, unless you know that something specific is causing them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't wait until 5am to take something to help you sleep. Of course it's going to leave you feeling groggy if you have to be up in less than 8-10 hours. I personally agree with trying to avoid drugs if you can, but sometimes you have do what you don't want to in order to sleep.
Try eating some turkey before bed, too. Scientists say there's not enough tryptophan in turkey to actually make people sleepy, but if that were so, people wouldn't get sleepy, and they do. Even just having a full belly sometimes helps, regardless of what's in it.
I spend the better part of my day drinking fluids of some sort or another, but I do stop closer to bedtime so I'm not up all night running to the bathroom. I think some of the cramping comes from other problems I'm having, and I noticed that when I was taking vitamin E on a regular basis, those cramps went away as well as other cramps.
ReplyDeleteI try not to wait too long, and I think the most harmless thing I take is the benedryl because my allergies are always acting up anyway. That's kind of a two-for-one deal there.
And eating has helped in the past. I keep getting told not to eat before bed though. I don't go out and eat heavily, unless I haven't eaten much all day, and it usually has the "turkey" effect on me.
I think physically if I can get my body to wind down and want to sleep, the rest will catch up and have no choice.
I know those sound like pat answers that will solve everything, and of course they're not. But they're ideas to try.
ReplyDeleteThe frazzled, restless mind I cannot help you with, I'm afraid! Only cure for that is to force your body to sleep, and you can't do that by an act of will. There's a Berber saying "When you strive to achieve passivity, your very effort fills you with activity." The more you want it, the less likely you are to get it. Of course, not wanting it is impossible. It's a vicious loop, I know.
The only way I know of to break that is to force your body to sleep, and the mind has no choice but to follow. Let it frazzle you with nightmares, but at least you will get some REM, which is very important.
If nothing else is working, don't make medication your last resort. It won't cajole your body to sleep, it'll force it, and it sounds like you need that. If your body won't listen to your mind, at least is has no choice but to listen to the meds.
Just some ideas from a fellow crazy. You're not alone out there in the misery, I promise. And since everyone is different, my advice may not help you one little bit, I don't know. But it's all I have to offer right now, and better to offer help which might fail than to not offer anything and watch you suffer without even trying, right? Of course right.
(((HUGS)))
With insomnia it can be difficult to tell if the whirring mind is causing the lack of sleep or if laying still with your eyes closed for hours not being asleep makes your mind go for a whirl because its bored.
ReplyDeleteOvereating before bed can cause insomnia, but so can hunger. If your body seems to sleep better when you eat something right before bed, by all means, do so. Just don't eat a 6 course meal right before bed and you should be fine.
My suggestion (to start with) is this:
For 2-3 nights force the sleep with a sleep aid. Take the sleep aid 10 hours before you need to be awake the next morning.
After that, drink some chamomile or sleepytime tea half an hour before you go to bed. When you go to bed, learn some simple meditations and practice them every night.
When your mind goes into high gear, focus on your heartbeat. feel it, listen to it, see if you can vary its speed up and down. When the boogythoughts interrupt, acknowledge them and then go back to the heartbeat.
"Wilbur's stomache was empty and his mind was full. And when your stomache is empty and your mind is full, it's hard to sleep." ~ Charlotte's Web
ReplyDeleteOne of my favourite quotes. :D
Thanks a million for all the suggestions. I am definitely going to be trying some of those. I do have to pass on the chamomile though. It's one of the allergies, which is unfortunate. I do have some other teas that I can try though, because the warmth itself is relaxing. I've also got some aromatherapy stuff I want to try. And for sure, I will be sticking with the small something to eat before bed. It seems to help quite a bit, and if I take allergy meds at least an hour or two before bed, I know for sure I will sleep. So, thanks again both of you.
ReplyDeleteAlso. I love Charlotte's Web! I've destroyed two copies of that book from reading and re-reading.
Good luck, and keep us updated. You know, now that you have a blog and all. :D
ReplyDelete